to 'Never Set the Cat on Fire' by Frank Hayes

Parody by Daniel Kelly – October 2020

Don’t forget to tune your lyre, your audience will thank you 
When strumming strings out of accord, they surely will berate you,
Don’t sing the one about the king, the lusty maid or broken ring,
Yes, don’t forget to tune your lyre.

Refine your hammers, imbue your playing with a fire
And don’t forget to tune your lyre

Don't open with a song by Bob; Everyone has heard them
No blowing in the flamin’ wind, or mister Tamborine men,
You’ll come across a painful bore, by knocking upon heaven’s door
Don't open with a Dylan song

Don't shy away from Leonard Cohen, he’s really a great writer
Though some may find his work depressed, nothing could be lighter
So sing of death and lack of sex, from vague religious aspects,
Don't shy away from Leonard Cohen

Don't start a song you cannot end; it’s sure to draw abuses
When someone asks you for ‘Free Bird', be sure to make excuses
If only thirty people hear, you'll have more followers next year
Don't start a song you cannot end.

by Daniel Kelly – 2019

     Em                                Am            D
It’s one small step for man, come and follow if you can,
          Em        B7        Em
We are opening a gateway to Mars,
     Em                                Am                 D
And although we risk our lives, and we miss our sons and wives,
Em                 B7            Em   
We are building a ladder to the stars.

In nineteen sixty one, Johnny K he had begun,
The long and painful journey to the moon,
With the Russian’s there to beat, communism to defeat,
The victory it couldn’t come to soon.

It took 10 years of sweat and tears, by a hundred engineers,
Till the tower of flame was ready for the launch,
Three brave and reckless men, strapped atop in a small can,
Were ready with their courage staunch.

It was fifty years ago, that humanity came to know,
Our race was destined to be free,
But instead through fear and hate, we have left it all too late,
Too meet our future in the galaxy

(to the traditional tune 'Down in/to the River')

As I look out to the milky way, Studying the heaven’s every day
And who shall map, the starry sky, Kepler show me the way
             (mark the planets down)

Oh planets, let’s go round, let’s go round
Don’t you wanna go round, Oh planets let’s go round
Round in your orbits today,

Oh comets, let’s go round, let’s go round
Don’t you wanna go round, Oh comet’s let’s go round
Highly elliptic orbital ways,

Oh black-holes, let’s go round, let’s go round
Don’t you wanna go round, Oh black-holes let’s go round
Swallowing all in your way,

My watch it connected to my iPhone,
And the iPhone’s connected to my macbook
And my macbook’s connected to my i-Home
Don’t know where my data is stored,

Them phones, them phones, them i-Phones x 3
Don’t know where my data is stored.

Now my Facebook’s connected to my Snapchat,
And my Snapchat’s connected to Tinder,
And my Tinder got shared on 4chan,
Now I’m a reddit karma lord.

Now my fridge is connected to my toaster,
And my toaster is connected to the wifi,
My wifi’s connected to the cloud guy,
Who works for the N.S.A.

Now my TV’s connected to my Xbox
And my Xbox’s connected to Netflix,
And My Netflix’s connected to my credit card,
Gonna be a victim of identity fraud.

G                                             C
We’ve been the mars rovers on the red planet here,
G                   D                      G
Sing ourselves happy birthday, once every year,
G                                     C
But now someone else has spoiled our fun,
      G                          D          G
That damn inSight probe seems to be number one.

           D               G               C
And it’s No, Nay, Never, No Nay Never No More,
          G             C        D          G
Will you see the Mars Rovers, No Never, No More

We rescued Matt Damon when they left him behind,
Alone in a sandstorm hungry and blind,
Sure the insight has drillers and a sensor that feels,
But what kind of probe doesn’t have any wheels?

We’ll roll into history, forgotten by all,
Dust on our panels, we’ve made our last call,
But remember our Spirit, we Sojourned here first,
Destined to slake Curiosity’s thirst.

by Daniel Kelly - 2018

          G                       C             G
When the first cell divided, four billions years ago
     C                G          Am            D
The first step on a journey, to reach the life we know
G                                        C         G 
Dividing and dividing, spreading out in time and space
         C             G           D             G
Giving colour to our eyes, and structure to our face

       C           D    G         C         D         G   
And so on the journey we go, the branches divide and grow,
     C             D         G    C         D    Em
Changing and learning each day, life will find a way
C         D         G
Yes life will find a way,

The have been several hiccups, some pruning of the tree,
The unicorns and dinosaurs, were just not meant to be
But remember we’re all children, of that same cell in the ooze,
In pursuit of perfection, someone has to lose.

Now we’re messing up the planet, in pursuit of wealth and fame
But life she is a gambler, and playing the long game
When it comes time for humanity, to be severed from the tree,
The three eyed flying slug-worms, will laugh about us over tea