Jarrett’s Private Tears

a parody of Stan Roger’s ‘Barrett’s Privateers’ by Daniel Kelly -2020

Oh the night was getting very late,
How I wish I was with Cheryl now,
When a phonecall came from my mate Stan,
He said come to town I’ll make you a man.

Gosh darn them all,
I was told, we’d would cruise the streets,
for a maid to hold, sire no sons, drink some beers,
now I’m a broke young man on the Sydney pier,
for a lass I cry my private tears.

Oh, Stan he said that he knew the town, HOW I WISH I WAS..
and ten great clubs where the ladies went
in which our money would be well spent

Well Stacey she was a lovely sight, HOW I WISH I WAS . . .
She'd a bottle of port and her dress half on
and said would I like all my worries gone,

I said yes please and she came real close, HOW I WISH I WAS..
Her hand reached down into my pants,
She took my phone and ran I had no chance

At 11:05 we moved again, HOW I WISH I WAS...
When a fit young Yankee hove in sight,
We asked if she could spare a light.

The Yankee said I don’t smoke your fools, HOW I WISH I WAS...
Lung cancer’s an awful way to go,
Would she like a drink? She said hell no!

Then I spied a lass two tables away, HOW I WISH I WAS . . .
I walked over to have chat,
Turned out she was a bloke named Pat.

The Antelope pub was the last we tried, HOW I WISH I WAS . . .
I must have smashed half a dozen kegs,
And I can’t stand straight on my own two legs

So I can’t get laid in my 33rd year, HOW I WISH I WAS . . .
It's been 6 hours since my mate Stan’s call
And I haven’t been close to a woman at all.


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