The Ballad of Mick O’Shea’s

based on the song ‘I Wish I Were Back in Liverpool’ by Stan Kelly and Leon Rosselson

I wish I was back in Adelaide,
At Mick O'shea's where the craic flows free,
When Martin sang, and the Bodhrans rang,
and the ballads are very long.
Where Richard and Kath will fiddle a tune, 
and Donald's kilt you’ll see,
There were six on guitar, and three at the bar,
and it's Mick O'shea's for me.

There’s Charles and Pete on the boxes sweet,
Doug and Sean they play guitar,
There’s a welcome there, whoever you are,
Whether come from near or far,
Hear Gillian sing, of a broken ring,
Or the girl from county Clare,
With a tune and song, you won’t go wrong,
With the good folk you’ll meet there.

Well Barry will sing of the Wattle green,
And a rousing drover’s song,
Amanda’s whistle will fill the air,
As Reg he strums along.
And Moira with her camera poised,
Will catch the magic night,
If you spend an hour at Mick O’shea's,
The world it will be right,

There’s a Bog Down in the Valley oh,
It is the Soldier’s Joy,
Pat Horgan’s got a Forty Pound Float,
In the Mountains of Pomeroy,
As we March to the Centenary,
After the Battle of Aughirm,
Be sure to wear a Green Cockade,
So Lord Mayo will win,

The Fox and the Tiger

By Daniel Kelly - 2022
 
(based on the Chinese idiom, Fox faking the Tiger's Power)

G                               C          G
A fox took a stroll through the forest one day,
C       G       Am            D
He hummed a tune as trotted on his way,
C          G          Am              G
The air was crisp, and the sky was clear,
         Em               D          G
When a grumbling sound it reached his ear.

A tiger leaped from behind a tree,
And circled the fox, with a hungry sort of glee,
You look so tasty, fox so small,
I’ll eat you up with no trouble at all,

The fox said, stop just a second you,
I’m king of this forest, I thought everybody knew,
You’d be wise to bow and leave me be,
Or bad things will happen just wait and see.

A likely story, laughed the cat,
You’re just a fox, I can clearly see that,
I’ve eaten, rats and pigs and ducks,
Anything that squeaks, oinks, slithers or clucks.

If that be true, said the fox so sneaky,
Come for a walk, and we’ll see who’s being cheeky,
So the fox walked on and the tiger followed,
Till they came to the mud were pigs all wallowed.

Hello said the Fox, to the largest pig,
But he quaked and shivered, when he saw the tiger big,
The tiger stopped, and scratched his head,
Strange that a fox should cause such dread.

The fox walked on to monkey’s tree,
He knocked on the trunk, Come down and talk to me,
When the monkey spied the stripes and claws,
He squealed and scurried from the tigers jaws.

By now the tiger was quite confused,
The fox strikes fear into everyone he mused
But come said fox, I have treat,
There’s another good friend that you should meet.

The rabbit sat by his rabbit hole,
The fox said “Hi’, but down he quickly stole,
The tiger started to chew his tail,
This fox scares all the creatures on the trail.

So the fox escaped the tiger’s tummy,
When tiger ran, home to see his mummy,
So remember things aren’t as they seem,
And the strong can be scared by a little scheme.

Ballad of the Dark Crystal

By Daniel Kelly – 2021 (except the prophesy from Dark Crystal) – Capo 4

       Em        G      D      C
When single shines the triple sun,
what was sundered and undone
Em                   D  
shall be whole, shall be whole
D           Em
the two made one
    Em    D      Bm     Em
by Gelfling hand or else by none

To Thra the UrSkeks banished came,
To purge dark hearts in crystal flame,
To go home, to go home,
They would have done,
But darkness birthed the two from one,

The Skesis cruel, and greedy all,
Hunt Gelfling, Podling enthrall,
Taking all, Taking all,
They plot and scheme,
Eternal life their vile dream.

The urRu while gentle and kind,
Have left the folks of Thra behind,
Only wait, only wait,
For destiny,
Inaction can be tragedy,

Young Jen the Gelfling, child of war,
Raised by UrSu for destinies door,
The shard, the shard,
Must be restored,
The future of Thra, is your reward

The Crystal Dark, now shines bright,
Thra it grows with truth and light,
Aughra, Aughra,
Rules as before,
The UrSkeks whole, but dark no more

Scarf Lore

by Daniel Kelly – 2021

     G                  Em
The leaves are turning gold again,
C                    G
The weather’s turning cold,
D’
And as I sit here with my Latte,
C                    G
I ponder mysteries of old.

     Am              G
The pumpkin spice I breath it in,
     G               D
The wind pulls at my hair,
     C                    G
Maybe this year it will happen,
           C    D      G
and the story becomes clear.

 Em           G                 D
Where’s the scarf, Where’s the scarf,
     C               G
Is it hiding for a laugh?
           C               G
Does it understand the ruckus,
              D’           G
That’s been raised on its behalf.

Taylor’s Red release is doing well,
It’s smashing all the charts,
With its re-created magic,
Of the breaking of the hearts.

But that scarf is still a missing,
And nobody knows where,
Is it possibly in Jake’s draw,
With memories he keeps there?

Thirteen’s a lucky number,
It’s half of twenty six,
Is the answer in the lyrics,
Or is the queen just playing tricks

In the red leaves and the orange,
That lie there at me feet,
I think I see the pattern,
Of an enigmatic tweet.

Ode to the Christmas Tree

by Daniel Kelly 2021
     G              C         G
We hang the fruit upon the boughs,
        C        G
In the dark of year,
Am                 D
When cold winds howl,
      G                C       G
The fruit reminds of summer last,
    C          G
And winter’s chill,
D          G
Soon to be past.

   C    G       D
Oh Christmas Tree,
    G      D    C
Oh Christmas Tree,
    G            Em
Glowing in the winter night,
C       D     G
For all humanity

We hang the lights among the green,
To warm our hearts,
When times are lean,
The lights are stars in darkest night,
They call the sun,
To return bright.

We stack the gifts, below the tree,
Wrapped up tight,
We cannot see,
The gifts reflect our love so true,
From heart to heart,
From me to you.

We lift the star, to sit aloft,
We sing her praise,
With voices soft,
The star is hope, for future new,
The night will pass,
We’ll make it through,

What is Art?

by Daniel Kelly - 2021
C                    G
What is Art, what is art?
              F            C
Here’s an argument I’ll start,
G
Must it always be original,
F                  C
Created from the heart?
F                   G
Can I buy it from Ikea,
C          G         F
or at the Kwick-E-Mart
C                    G           C
What is art, what is art what is art?

C                       F            C
20,000 years ago, at Montignac in France,
G
Some people scratched upon the walls,
F                          C
Making stags and horses dance,
F                          G
Were they doing it for money,
C             G      F
Or putting on a show?
F                    C
Or was it just a menu,
C                    G    C
I guess we’ll never know.

What is Art, what is Art?
Am I doing art right now,
Though I probably stole the melody,
From another song somehow,
I didn’t write the language,
And I didn’t start the row,
What is art, what is art what is art

Those folks over in Malta,
They like their women large,
Immortalised in sculpture,
And maybe decoupage,
The beauty of 5000 years,
Preserved in fired clay,
Art that still endures,
And is relevant today.

What is Art, what is Art?
Who gets to decide,
Is it a matter of semantics?
Or really one of pride,
I think skill and expression,
Are good things to sit astride,
What is art, what is art what is art

Now Andy took a can of soup,
And slapped it on a page,
He didn’t even touch the thing,
But his art was all the rage,
Yes it was in the 60s,
When we really lost the plot,
Throw it in a dumpster,
And burn the flamin’ lot,

What is Art, what is art?
Here’s an argument I’ll start,
Must it always be original,
Created from the heart?
Can I buy it from Ikea,
or at the Kwick-E-Mart
What is art, what is art what is art?

That Eric Bogle writes his songs,
With such beautiful rhymes,
But to find all of those words himself,
He hasn’t got the time,
So he looks them up in someone’s book,
Should that now be a crime?
What is Art, What is Art, What is Art.

What is Art, what is Art?
Now my song is at an end,
I stole that from the Irish
Or was it just a lend?
So go and make your art I say,
For yourself or for a friend,
It is art, it is art it is art

It is art, it is art,
If you made it from the heart,
With your hands, or with
Computers, or tenticular parts,
If you bought it at Ikea,
Or at the Kwick-E-Mart,
It is art, it is art, it is art.

Squid Game

By Daniel Kelly, 2021, to Bob Dylan's It's Alright Ma

Since the days of ancient Rome,
There’s been those that rule, those who are owned,
Whether by the chain, or by what is ow’n
They’re doomed to die scared and alone,
Within the silent catacomb, of this squid game.

The preachers preach compounding fears,
While lining robes with silent tears,
Of the innocent young with no careers,
Crippled inside the grinding gears,
Tuned well by the monstrous engineers, of this squid game.

Gamble life and gamble love,
To beat the game and rise above,
Just one more horse and one more shove,
Give two with hand, take ten with glove,
Cheat the good, kill peace’s dove,
If you ever hope to win this squid game,
       
So don't lose your nerve
It’s the greater good you serve
It's alright, Man, you’re just dying

From up their in the castle high,
They watch us toil, they watch us die,
No chance they’ll ever share the pie,
With those who crawl with jealous eye,
Amidst the ladders, swings and stys,
They carefully constructed for this squid game.

And when at last your bodies dead,
They steel the eyes from in your head,
Heart, liver, lungs are sold for bread,
The Chinese dragon must be fed,
We all are slowly blindly led,
Into the darkest heart of this squid game.

Smug and Woke

By Daniel Kelly – 2021

             C                 G
Michael is a poet, a national prize
                F                                G
His cartoons show compassion, and call out the lies
                C                            G
But the new folk committee, in an action bizarre
                F                     G7        C
They threw out his poster, a virtue signal too far

I’m so smug and woke, I’m so smug and woke,
There’s no social issue I’m too proud to stoke,
I’m so smug and woke, I’m so smug and woke,
If I see another old white man I’ll choke. 
(Lay off Michael Leunig, He’s a really good bloke)

Pete Seeger he taught us, intolerance is for fools,
They cancelled miss Rowling, like Umbridge's rules,
But there is an army, of free thinking folk,
Who stick to their morals, and refuse to be woke.

Now don’t get me wrong, I think rapists are bad,
And racists and bigots sure make me feel mad,
But humanity thrives, on a spectrum of views,
And if you demand thought compliance, We’re all bound to lose

Outside of a Small Circle of (Facebook) Friends

a parody of the Phil Ochs song

Look inside that window, there's a newbie being flamed
They've dragged him to the FAQ and now the mod’s being blamed
Maybe we should call the admin and try to stop the pain
But Everquest is so much fun, I'd hate to blow the raid
And I'm sure it wouldn't interest anybody
Outside of a small circle of friends.

Surfing the information highway, yes, my back is getting stiff
Thirteen servers are offline, they're hanging on a cliff.
Maybe I could bring them back with a telnet shell again
But we got data to move and we might get sued and it’s probably all in vain
And I'm sure it wouldn't interest anybody
Outside of a small circle of friends.

Sweating in the Facebook ghetto with the needy and the mad
Rats from AOL have joined the ship, it was all they ever had
Now we could organise a riot with these latest fake-news crops
But their too gullible already and someone might call the cops
And I'm sure it wouldn't interest anybody
Outside of a small circle of friends.

Oh there's a dirty thumbnail using sex to get some clicks
The YouTube board was so upset, I hope the lawsuit sticks.
Maybe we should help the content makers, keep them all in line.
But we're busy scrolling reddit and the latest TikTok Vines.
And I'm sure it wouldn't interest anybody
Outside of a small circle of friends

The Smoking speed of twitter is more fun than drinking beer,
But a friend of ours was shadow banned they gave him just a year
Maybe we should raise our voices, ask somebody why
But it’s hard to get a trending tag, the cost is much too high
And I'm sure it wouldn't interest anybody
Outside of a small circle of friends

Once Again (in Afghanistan)

By Daniel Kelly – 2021

            G      C                 D
There were women, on the streets of Kabul
           G                 C             D
With their hair uncovered, dancing in the breeze,
           Em              C
They were learning, driving cars,
     G               C
And reaching for the stars,
     Bm              D’
In Afghanistan, in 1970

     G             C  
Once again, once again,
Em      G            C
We will be there once again,
     G          C               D
No matter how deep the darkness seems
     G          C
Once again, once again,
     Bm              C
I’ll meet with you then,
           C
When the women and the
   D             G
country both are free.

There were women, singing there in Kabul,
Watch Hangama, there on the TV,
Sharing the stage with men,
We’ll see that once again,
In Afghanistan, inevitably.

When the women, flew out of Kabul,
They weren’t fleeing, violence and hate,
They were the pilots and the crew,
Of Kam Air, in February 22,
In Afghanistan, say it’s not too late

The Yass Heroes

By Daniel Kelly – 2021

     D                     G                 
There’s a bend down in the river,
          C                G
Where the water’s running fast,
          C               G
And the shallow sand is hollowed,
       Am                D
Each step could be your last,

Edward Kiley and John Davis,
Had been told they couldn’t swim,
But the voice of Sergeant Anderson,
     C         D         G
Was ignored in youthful whim,

          C             G  
I’m going down, I’m going down,
              D         G
The water’s flowing over me,
     C               G
Brother give me your hand,
          C       D    G
It’s so dark I cannot see

Help, help, the boys are drowning,
The call came up the hill,
Jeremiah and the other men,
The ran down with a will.

Jeremiah Mead the strong man,
Pride of the football team,
He dove into the water,
Amidst the children’s screams

Bill Sunderland a father,
At home a loving wife,
Despite not being a swimmer,
He strode in risking his life

Now four lay at the bottom,
The cruel water it flowed on,
The helpers and the helpless,
Their life and future gone,

Now in Yass stands a monument,
Right by the local pool,
A worn moss-covered obelisk,
Not far from the high-school,

A monument to courage,
And men who gave their lives,
Soldiers of strength and bravery,
On which our nation thrives.

Building Skadar

Once there were three brothers born,
Lay the stone upon the stone,
They worked from in the early morn,
At the castle on the hill,

Each day they laboured at the wall,
Lay the stone upon the stone,
Each night a nymph destroyed it all,
At the castle on the hill,

If you wish the wall to stand,
Lay the stone upon the stone,
A sacrifice made by your own hand,
At the castle on the hill,

For each of you has wife so fine,
Lay the stone upon the stone,
One you must in the stone entwine,
At the castle on the hill,

The next day at your dinner time,
Lay the stone upon the stone,
First wife that comes will then be mine,
At the castle on the hill,

Two brothers did their lovers warn,
Lay the stone upon the stone,
But the youngest did this cheating scorn,
At the castle on the hill,

They grabbed her as she brought the meal,
Lay the stone upon the stone,
And within the wall they did her conceal,
At the castle on the hill,

She cried let my breast through the wall,
Lay the stone upon the stone,
That I may feed my babe so small,
At the castle on the hill,

They say she feed him for a year,
Lay the stone upon the stone,
And the castle still weeps milky tears,
At the castle on the hill.

Phallus in the Sky with Bezos


Parody to the tune of 'She'll be coming around the mountain'                                           

When you ride the giant penis in the sky,
When you ride the giant penis in the sky,
You’ll be near halfway to Venus,
Though the cost is somewhat heinous,
If you ride that giant penis in the sky.

You can sit atop the phallus in the sky, x 2
It’s a veritable palace,
Or that’s what Jeffery will tell us,
When you’re strapped into that phallus in the sky.

You’ll be feeling very manly when you fly, x 2
You’ll be feeling oh so manly,
Strapped aboard that whopping Stanley
You can’t help but feel manly when you fly

You’ll be looking quite elated when you fly x 2
You’ll be looking so elated,
As your pod’s ejaculated,
And your briefly zero weighted when you fly

We’ll say thankyou Jeffery Bezos when we fly x2
We’ll say thankyou Jeffery Bezos,
Though it cost more than he pays os,
We’ll say thankyou Jeffery Bezos when we fly

Sisters of Yass

             G                 C         G
We left Rochfortbridge in the county of Meath,
              C        G             D
Bound for a land far away from our home,
      G                         C        G
The green field behind us, the future unclear
      C      G          D
Travelling into the unknown

     C      D         G
Far away    we       lie,
Under a sun burnt sky,
          C           G           C
In our dreams we fly back to our home
        C     D      G                
Ireland cool and green,
Family and Friends un-seen,
         C         D         Em                 
We are sharing a message of love
        C          D         G      
We are sharing a message of love

We first set foot in Yass, eighteen seventy five,
Strange country and people with hope in their eyes,
We brought wisdom and caring, built convent and school,
Sharing the joys of our home

We taught the young children, whatever their race,
Education is something to be given to all,
But with a government ruled by the small minds of men,
Native children were forced from our school.

Our legacy started a hundred years past,
But our voices still can be heard
In the laughter of children through Mt Carmel’s Halls
Our memories faithfully held

Sourdough Starter

A Parody of Stan Rogers’ Mary Ellen Carter

      
We were in lockdown last October,
And it really was a pain,
I could not get to the bakery,
For my dose of local grain,
The cheap stuff from the grocery store,
Wasn’t the same you know, and
My spirits and my pants were dropping low.
Then I saw a post on Pinterest,
A crust that caught my eye,
Artisan bread that's made at home,
Is what I did espy,
I needed just a starter,
I could get it through the mail,
Heaven help the family if I fail
 
Well I ordered one on eBay,
It came in just a week,
I fed her flour and water,
Till she bubbled to a peak.
And that first loaf from the oven,
It set my heart aglow,
I laughed and ate,
The best bread you can know.

I baked with her all summer,
Some days around the clock.
Baguettes and buns and bagels,
Our pantry was well stocked
With every teaspoon from the jar,
I swore I would remain and
Make that new sourdough starter rise again!

Rise again, rise again,
No matter what the cost,
I’ll have good bread again,
It doesn’t really matter,
if on lockdown we remain,
My new sour dough starter will rise again.

The lockdown it was lifted,
And we all gave a cheer.
The family said now it’s time, and
To get away form here.
So we took a little holiday, and
Left our cares behind, but
But the starter it had never,
Crossed my mind.

She was left there on the kitchen bench,
To bubble and to grow,
The lid came off and down she spilled
onto the ground below,
When we finally made it home,
She’d near sang her last refrain,
But I made that sourdough starter rise again!

Rise a   gain, rise a   gain,
Though lockdown may be broken,
And finally at an end,
No matter what you've lost,
Be it a job, bread shop, a friend,
Like the new Sourdough Start rise again!

Let Him Have a Whine

a parody, to the tune of End of the Line by The Traveling Wilburys

          
Well, I’m alt-right, hatin’ anyone I please                    
Well, I’m alt-right, the white man’s on his knees,
Well, I’m alt-right, I’ve got a master plan,
Well, I’m alt-right, I’m doing everything I can

You can sit around and let them steal your jobs (let me have a whine)
Or take the streets in boots with nail hobs (let me have a whine)
Don’t sit around you’ll be working for less than bobs (let me have a whine)
Maybe just turning knobs

Well, I’m alt-right, antifa says I’m wrong
Well, I’m alt-right, but sometimes you gotta be strong
Well, I’m alt-right, as long as I get my way
Well, I’m alt-right, I’m bringin’ on judgment day

Maybe somewhere down the road a ways (let me have a whine)
You'll think of me and wonder where I am these days (let me have a whine)
Maybe in a prison somewhere where the warden plays (let me have a whine)
Purple Haze

Well, I’m alt-right, I like to push and shove
Well, I’m alt-right, takin’ off my kid gloves
Well, I’m alt-right, make a america great again
Well, I’m alt-right, at least great for white men

I’m not ashamed to drive a pickup truck (let me have a whine)
If you don’t like confederate flags, you’re out of luck (let me have a whine)
Tryin’ to find a haircut that doesn’t suck (let me have a whine)
Just lock her up,

Well, I’m alt-right, sittin her on my porch,
Well, I’m alt-right, lighting up my tiki torch,
Well, I’m alt-right, I don’t read all that much,
Well, I’m alt-right, just watch Fox news and such,

Rabbit Proof Fence

By Daniel Kelly – National ‘Sorry Day’, 26 May 2021

Em
Mr Neville said they’d die out,
Said that it was nature’s way,
Am
Now the white man owns the country,
Em
And he’ll never go away.

Take the children from the parents,
To be civilised and tamed,
Take them from their kin and country,
Make them of their culture shamed.

C               G         
But there’s a line into the distance,
D                     G
goes back sixty thousand years,
C                     G
And I’m walking on it homeward,
     D               Em
Through my anger and my tears.

Young Daisy and Molly,
Back in 1931,
Taken to Moore River
From their home in Jigalong

But the land it has a voice,
And it calls into the heart,
Reaching out across the songlines,
We will never be apart.

Well Kevin he said sorry,
Back in 2008,
But the action that followed,
Well it surely wasn’t great.

From the heart there was a statement,
By the guardians of the land,
But the arrogance of Turnbull,
Dismissed it out of hand.

The Ballad of the Commercial Hotel

By Daniel Kelly – 2021

C       G         D        G   
Around 1850 she opened her doors,
   C         G             Am        D
A beer and a bed, for the traveling scores,
     G               D          Em       C
John Gibbons he dreamed of business done well,
           G               Bm         D         G
When he pulled the first beer at his Commercial Hotel

Just twenty years later, in the time of the flood,
The North of the town, it was buried in mud,
Mr Coles had a heart, and he answered the bell,
When he offered the rooms of the Commercial Hotel.

Sadly the fire, in 1903,
Started in the parlour, but quickly spread free,
Though the brigade fought hard, there was only a shell,
When the flames did their worst, to the Commercial Hotel

Just twenty years on, the hotel shined anew,
Mrs Johnstone employed great architects two,
Monk and Jeffs had plan, a contractor as well  
and Lawrence rebuilt the Commercial Hotel 

Last drinks were served just 16 years ago,
In a place that had built the community so,
Watching her decay, I know many tears fell,
No one is drinking, at the Commercial Hotel

But now comes the news, another buyer is found,
Will he be like the last, drive her into the ground,
We can only hope, as time it will tell,
If drink once again, at the commercial hotel.