Aslan’s on the Move

by Daniel Kelly – 2024

    D                     C      D
She has kept me out for a long time,
    C              D
But I’ve got in at last,
D’                G
The long winter is ending,
       Em                D
Now the Witch’s power is past.

For Peter I’ve a sword to give,
With blade that’s sharp and true,
A shield to guard from danger,
With rampant lion red and new.

C      G/Em       D
Aslan’s on the move.
Aslan’s on the move

A bow for eldest Susan,
The brave daughter of eve,
With magic horn of ivory,
That calls help to those in need.

And lastly Lucy’s dagger,
Sharpest in defence,
And healing flask of diamond,
Of the fire-flower blessed

But where is Adam’s other son,
When Aslan’s on the move,
Lost to evil treachery,
Edmund’s guilt we must remove.

Agatha’s Circle

by Daniel Kelly – 2024

     Em
Some come to the circle for power,
       D                     G
Some come to the circle for fame,
     B7
Some come with a wish that the lost may be found,
          Dsus               Em
Or the found may be lost once again.

     Em                 G
I take them all, I take them all,
     C
The proud and the scared,
              B7
And the short and the tall,
     D                       Em
Driven by greed they will easily fall,
C         D         Em
Into my wide-open arms.

Some come to the circle for money,
Some come to the circle for love,
Some come with a lust for revenge in their heart,
Or lust for a love that grown apart,

Some come to circle in sadness,
Some come to the circle in glee,
Some come with desire to dance in the fire,
But they’ll only be dancing with me.

Facebook Feed Blues

by Daniel Kelly – 2024

     C                    G7         G
My Facebook Feed’s Full of Misogynist Crap
     G                               C
And although I block them, they keep coming back,
     C                    G7         G
I just want to see the news from my friends,
     G                               C
Or cat memes and squirrels, not young ladies’ rear ends.

It’s not that I’m prudish, or seeking to shame,
It’s just that I know the exploitation game,
This content is made just for getting the clicks,
Enticing the lusty who think with their, eyes.

     F          G    C   
I’m blocking another page,
     G      G7       C
Trying to contain my rage,
F                    C        Am
I did not ask to see it, Make it go away,
     G                      C
Can I survive Facebook for another day?

My Facebook feed’s full of Republican lies,
About folk eating dogs, or Ukrainian Spies,
I know Taylor isn’t in the CIA,
AR-15s for children, surely isn’t the way,

It’s not that you shouldn’t defend where you stand,
but kids are being shot all over the land,
They keep on pretending Trump’s in with a chance,
He’s got less than the sofa assaulted by Vance

My Facebook feed’s full bots selling shirts,
In colours and themes so ugly it hurts,
I’ll help you recover your profile that’s hacked,
Just click on this link and you’ll soon have it back,

I love daily posts by the filker Tom Smith,
And music from friends always gives me a lift,
But the broke algorithm that ruins my feed,
Can go back to Twitter, that’s what I need.

Unicorse

by Daniel Kelly – 2024

    Em           G
I got fleas, I’m gonna eat em,
    D                     Em
Chicken buckets, you can’t beat em,
            C                     G
Broccoli showers, well you can keep em’
    D
If there’s a better looking horse,
             Em
I’d like to meet ‘em.

      Em  D  G   D        C
Cause I’m a Uni, Uni, unicorse,
    G   D        C
A uni, uni, unicorse.
Em           D   G
Yes I’m a unicorse x 2

You tell a story, I’m gonna spoil it,
If you hit me, I’m gonna lawyer it,
Don’t brush my teeth, or take showers,
If you ask me to be quiet,
I’ll talk for hours.

Little children, my favourite snack,
I’ve got a horn, it will attack,
Tell me your problem, you’re gonna hear,
Aaaaaand why should I care?

Another Weasley

by Daniel Kelly – 2024

     G
Well I’m another Weaseley,
       Em
Like my father was before,
     C             G
They say I won’t amount to much,
     C                      D
But that’s not what life is for.

     C                  D
We may not have the finest house,
     G                   C
But it’s always filled with love,
     C                 G
And that is the most precious thing,
     C    D      G
A wizard can dream of.

     Em                D             G
But I wanna know what Rubber ducks are for,
     Em             G             D
Do they use them to hold open a door?
     C                  D
Those Muggles keep so many things,
     G             C
I just cannot keep score,
     C                 D         G
But what exactly, are rubber ducks for.

Molly is my only love,
We met in Gryffindor,
We got married in the middle,
Of the first wizarding war,

If you mess with her family,
You’ll regret it for sure,
And find out like Bellatrix did,
What Molly’s wand has in store,

In the Order of the Phoenix,
We fought for wizard kind,
But Fred my son and the price he paid,
Is always on my mind,

Often it is the little folk,
That stand up to the strong,
When a true heart beats within you,
You never can go wrong,

(chorus lines)
Do they protect you from sharp things on the floor?
Are they a vessel from which alcohol can pour?

Plastic World

by Daniel Kelly - 2024
     G
Just one block onto another,
          G7
You can make them any colour,
        C
And a whole world to discover,
     G                  G7
Anything that you can dream,
          C
You can create,
          G
Isn’t it great.

          D      C
In the plastic world,
          Bm             C
In the world of your devising,
          Bm               G
Changing towers they are rising,
     C
In shapes wild and surprising,
          C      G
It’s a plastic world x 2

Old Kirk the wood toy maker,
Had ideas, that bold risk taker,
Clutch power was no faker,
There is no limit to the ways,
They can be stuck,
What brilliant luck,

Now there’s lego about star wars,
Harry potter and some flowers,
You can sit and play for hours,
With the strangest ideations
of your mind,
What will you find,

Never a Friday

by Daniel Kelly – 2024

     C   
It’s a Friday in the office,
                     G7
The clock has just struck two,
               G
You’ve been working on that code all week,
                     C
And want to see it through,
          C
You bypass pre-prod testing,
        F
After your first clean compile,
       G                G7
But a voice the in the back of your mind,
     G             C
Says wait a little while.

          F                       C
Never push to production on a Friday,
          G                C
No not a Friday, Never a Friday,
     F                       C
Never push to production on a Friday,
          G7   G         F   G     C
Unless you’re hoping, To Unleash Hell.

If your code will be soon be running,
On a million odd machines,
You better be sure that it works,
Cause that’s a lot of beans,

You might disrupt the airlines,
Or the AT Machines,
And you won’t have a job come Monday,
If it was your code caused the scene.

So if you’re a developer,
A cutter of the code,
Then never bypass pre-prod,
And test is under load,

When it comes to ones and zeros,
There’s edge cases galore,
And if you fail to spot them,
You’ll soon be shown the door,

Work of the Beavers

Parody of 'Wark o' the Weavers' - 2024

       G            D         C           G
Beavers they are wonderful, beavers they are smart,
      C               G             C             D
To keep the rivers healthy, they always do their part,
        G     D            C              G
Civil engineering, that’s also a work of art,
        C               G             D  G
So be thankful for the wark o' the beavers

                     D        C                 G
If it wisnae for the beavers, whar would ye stand?
    C           G          C           D
Ye wadnae hae a river, that is good and dammed'
G                   D                 C            G
A lovely spot for fishing, and for swimming also grand
             C           G            D  G
Sae be thankful for the wark o' the beavers

The humans often hunted us and turned us into hats,
With guns and spears and arrows, snares and nets and traps,
They extracted our secretions, called us fish, imagine that,
A very sorry fate for the beavers

Geronimo the beaver, he came from Idaho,
They took up into a plane and threw him down below,
Lucky he had a parachute, landed ready to go,
Continuing the wark o' the beavers

So if you see a beaver, down at your local stream,
Be thankful for the work he does, building a wetland dream,
And don’t begrudge the trees he takes, and never treat him mean,
And be thankful for the wark o' the beavers

Happy Star Wars Day Mark Hamill

by Daniel Kelly – 2024

      A          
Happy Star Wars Day Mark Hamill,
A
Did you ever ride a camel,
G                       D
I’m sure that a wee dram’ll,
      A                 G          D
Help you get into the spirit of the day,

And did you know that Wookies,
Are very fond of Porg meat cookies,
Most Star Pilots now are rookies,
But the empire is all gone so it’s okay,
Yes it’s okay.

      G           D           A
And may the Force with you always,
      G           D                 A
By your side through all of your days,
      Em          G        D
You’ve inspired us in all ways,
      G           D       A
May the Force be with us all, x 2

So raise a green glass from a siren,
May the fourth have you aspir’n,
To forty eight years of re-hiring,
By Disney and the franchise of all time,

And we all miss Princess Leia,
That bold empire slayer,
It’s a shame they didn’t pay her,
Quite as much as she deserved, they had some nerve,

Today the filkers will be filking,
And cosplayers will be silking,
And Darth Vader will be still king,
As the Storm Troopers miss every single shot,

We all remember gladly,
How a Princes was saved quite badly,
And Obi-wan died sadly,
And we learned about lightsabers and the Force,

Flerken Frustration

By Daniel Kelly - 2024

    F
We’ve got Flerkens on the Bridge,
                      C
We’ve got Flerkens in Med Bay,
               C
We’ve got Flerkens in the bathroom,
                    F
They just won’t go away.

    F
It’s best if you stop running,
                      B
That only makes them mad,
                  F
As for Flerken infestation,
               C                F
This is the worst that we have had

A crew-mate tried to catch one,
And they were swallowed whole,
    B              F
We need to find a way,
               C          F
To get these cats under control.

You may not have heard of Flerkens,
They look just like a cat,
But when the tentacles come out,
You’ll soon be forgetting that.

Chewbacca Sassy Danvers,
Is a Flerken you may know,
Rocket tried to kill her,
But Carol she said no.

Goose laid eggs on SABER,
Hidden all over the station,
Nick Fury was a bit confused,
But hope grew from frustration.

Loki

by Daniel Kelly – 2023

Am
At the centre of the tree,
           Em
Sits the god of destiny,
            C              D    Em
Threads of life for you and me, Loki

           Am
All the choices in a spool,
           Em
Wound together by his rule,
       D             C    Em
Divine power of the fool, Loki,

C    Em             G          D
Loki, Loki, the protector of the tree,
     Em              D    Em
Sacrificed for you and me, Loki.

Once only the god of tricks,
Now all time is in his fix,
He has woven fates sweet mix, Loki.

Cruel fate he could not stand,
Pruning lives was out of hand,
Now he’s built the promised land, Loki.

Chorus

Now until the end of time,
He will wrangle fate sublime,
All future yours and mine, Loki

So give thanks unto the king,
Who broke the sacred ring,
And let all destinies sing, Loki.

Song of the Lusty Argonian Maid

by Daniel Kelly 2023

     Am        C         G           Am
Oh why do you come to my chamber so late?
     C         G    Am
You pretty Argonian maid?
          Am        G         c         Am
The mistress she asked if the linen was straight,
Am             G        Am
Said the lusty Argonian Maid.

She lifted her tail as she smoothed down the bed,
That pretty Argonian maid,
Lord Colto gave way to the thoughts in his head,
Of that lusty Argonian Maid.

Oh would you please tarry and polish my spear?
He said to the pretty young maid,
Your spear is too rough for my soft hands I fear,
Said the lusty Argonian Maid,

With a teaspoon of oil, we’ll make the rough smooth,
He said to the Argonian Maid,
So she stroked her soft hands over every groove,
In that spear, the Argonian Maid,

Before your depart, would you see to my dough,
You pretty Argonian maid,
With a kneed of your hands, I’m sure it will grow,
You lusty Argonian maid,

She worked at the dough, in her soft hands it rose,
That Argonian flower of a maid,
When Crantius reached out to untie the clothes,
Of the lusty Argonian Maid,

She squealed as she drove the smooth spear through his heart,
That pretty Argonian maid,
She squealed as she drove the smooth spear through his heart,
That pretty Argonian maid,

So gentles and lords beware of your hands,
Around pretty Argonian Maids,
Or you’ll find there is only so much they will stand,
Those lusty Argonian maids.

A Place in the Fire

Words by Daniel Kelly 2023

TTTO: A Place in the Choir by Bill Staines

G
All god’s creatures got a place in the fire,
D                       G
Some on the grill and some in the fryer,
     C                  G
Or roasted whole on great log pyre,
    D             G
Serve them up on a plate, a bowl,
Or anything you got now.

     G                  D
The big mouth Bass he feeds on the bottom,
                                  G
Catch him with a pole and a line if you got’em,
C                      G
Reeling him in can be hard to do,
     D                  G
Then cook him up in a big fish stew,

Fry those sausages up in the middle,
Pork and chicken and beef on the griddle,
Turn ‘em quick so they don’t burn,
That red meat helps us all to learn,

Listen to the pop and crackle of the bacon,
Such a fine breakfast feast we’re makin’
Pour some oil on everything,
Never eat your greens,

Cookin, in the night time, cookin in the day,
Cookin those critters every way,
Basted, roasted, grilled and fried,
From their innards to their hide.

Love of the Page

by Daniel Kelly – 2023

G
Give me the love of the page,
  C        Am       G             D
Tell the story of the dragon and mage,
G                      Bm       C
Teach my to fly, with a fancy so free,
     C           D    G
And no one will ever cage me.

Here in the pages I’ll be,
Free from the pain of the life around me,
I’m taller and faster and wiser by far,
I can reach for and catch every star.

A story is always your friend,
Will invite you inside, keep you safe till the end,
Through tears and through laughter, triumph and fear,
Reach for me I will be here,

Whether from the library or store,
Passed down the family like hard gotten lore,
The book is a world, where adventure’s alive,
It’s on books that a young mind can thrive,

So teach me to read and to learn,
To fire the mind, for knowledge to yearn,
Give me the key that unlocks every door,
There’s fantastic new magic in store,

Saucer Sources

by Daniel Kelly – 2023 (to the 12 bar blues)

The aliens are out there,
Mulder told us years ago,
But those faceless men in power,
Don’t want you or me to know.
Now Grusch has blown the whistle,
And the truth’s about to Land,
US is building super weapons,
It’s all part of their plan.

Little green men in their saucers,
Now disclosed by inside sources,
They’ve been lacing all our sauces,
Those little green men in their saucers.
The Roswell crash was actual,
Suppressed by men in black with satchels,
Conspiracies are all now factual,
Illuminati hides the facts y’all.

The cover up it has been heinous,
All that probing of the anus,
Abduction stories will be famous,
Not sure I believe but can you blame us?
It’s time for Scully to return,
Or the evidence will burn,
If we truly aren’t alone,
Then we have a lot to learn.

Party of Four

by Daniel Kelly – 2023

Em                               D           Em
I’ll sing to you a song about adventures of four,
Em                                  Am         D
The bard was once a harper, but he isn’t any more,
Em                                C             G
The sorcerer is second rate, but he can raise the dead,
       Em                           D                Em
And then there’s a barbarian, who’s good at bashing heads,

       C        G
Hi Ho Ho, a questing we will go,
       Am                                E7
We do not fear the monsters, that are lurking down below,
      C             G
Hi Ho Ho, a questing we will go,
        Am                 G                                       
We’ll take the loot, and then we’ll scoot,
D              Em
back to the tavern oh     

And then we met a druid who could turn into a bear,
Or was it partly owl as well, we really didn’t care,
She brought into our party, something that we sorely lacked,
Some stealth and speed, and extra muscle for when we were attacked.

Our barbarian has issues with the man she left behind,
She raised the bards young daughter, while he was getting blind,
Now were fighting a red wizard, she seems a friendly sort,
Especially when enslaving souls and shooting fireballs for sport,

Xenk’s not in our party, he is just an NPC,
A Paladin with far too many skills and piety,
He’s got a lot of quibbles, so he won’t hang out with thieves,
But we’ll make use of his handy sword, at least until he leaves

And now we’re in the tavern, and the quest is at an end,
Drinking pints of ale, and laughing with our friends,
I’m not sure there’ll be another quest, all depends on the take,
And whether John and Jonathon have another film to make.

Princess Leia

by Daniel Kelly – 2023

G                         Em
You were born amidst the turmoil,
C                 G
As a great evil emerged,
Em                    Bm
Your father became a monster,
     C                D
The Empire began it’s purge,

Taken from your twin brother,
On the day your mother died,
Force by fate and circumstance,
On Alderan to hide.

May the force be with your Leia,
May your blaster fire true,
May you shine your light above,
The weaker men surrounding you,
May you find a peaceful solace,
From the pain and hurt and loss,
For it was you that saved the galaxy,
Despite all that it cost,

You were always a rebel,
From when first you held a gun,
You learnt the language of the droids,
And to live life on the run,
But also you were a princess,
As you mother was a queen,
The finest bravest warrior,
The galaxy has seen.

What could have been if Yoda,
Had trained you on dagoba,
Instead of the needy, whiny Luke,
With the force you’d have gone far,
Ut you settled for a nerf herder,
And bore a broken son,
I cant forgive George Lucas,
For the evil he has done.

Mansplainer

a Parody of Moon River by Daniel Kelly – 2023

G    Em      C            G
Mansplainer, snider than he's vile,
    C               G          Am   B7
He's bossing you in style, he'd say.
Em    G7          C     Cm
Point maker, spotlight taker,
    Em7         A7        Am         D7
Whatever you're saying, he'll say it his way.

G   Em       C              G
Sad grifter, wants to rule the world
        C             G        Am   B7
But so little of the world, he’s seen
       Em  Em7     Cm             G
I'm after the conversations end

C                   G
  Drives me around the bend
C               G
 My condescending friend
Em   Am      D7  G
Man Splainer. .let me be

Mansplainer, spews a lot of bile,
Makes the patriarchy smile, you’ll pay.
Mood breaker, Knowledge faker,
Wherever you're doing, he knows a better way.

Hark the Nine Wraith Riders

Hark the nine wraith riders spring, searching for the missing ring
Middle Earth is where it hides, to the shire nine dark lords ride
Woeful all ye hobbits hide, prancing pony get inside
Aragorn then will proclaim, "don’t tell anyone your name"
Hark the nine wraith riders spring, "Searching for the one lost ring"

Bilbo found it in a cave, lost by Gollum filled with rage;
Then upon his last birthday, to Frodo gave it away
Ring of magic, vile and feared, with it on he disappeared
Better get it to mount doom, dark riders are coming soon,
Hark the nine wraith riders spring, "Searching for the one lost ring"

The Witch king can’t by men be slain, all who face him fear his name,
Meri’s dagger will strike true, and Eowyn’s blade will run him through,
A magic blade from Westerness, left out by Pete Jackson I guess,
Should have kept Tom Bombadil, maybe the next re-make will,
Eight wraith riders on the wing, "Searching for the one lost ring"

The Forbidden Forest

by Daniel Kelly, on the passing of Robbie Coltrane

     G            Em       C          G
The forest is dark, so wild and untamed,
            Em    C        D
Filled with unicorns and spiders,
     G          Em              C          G
For a student forbidden, But there I must go,
   G            Em
Malfoy got me detention,
       D              G
I must face what I don’t know

  G      C      G
Hagrid take my hand,
     C      G        D
I’m heading for the forest,
Em       C           D    G
Hold your glowing lantern high,
     C          D          G
And lead me through the dark,

Though scared I’ll be brave, If you walk beside,
I’ll face the dark unknown
If you tell me the things you shouldn’t have told,
And lend to me your strength
I’ll learn to be bold.

You need your wits about you, When to the forest you go,
Not everything’s safe or friendly,
The Centaurs are noble, and no wizards slave,
So learn to respect,
If its power you crave,

So walk closely by in Hagrid’s steps,
Don’t stay into the darkness,
There’s worse things than werewolves lurking in there,
Wild cars and big spiders,
And old devil’s snare.