The Ballad of Ned Smelly

By Daniel Kelly – 2020

              Am            C             G
She was a hefty eighteen wheeler, Coming out of Ballarat,
              Am                C                Am
She could drive the Western Highway, in 7 hours flat,
       C                    G
There been a tip-off at the Woollies,
       Am                   Em
From Kev in packing so I’m told,
              C             G
That the cargo she was hauling,
              Am       G         Am
Was three tonnes of fresh white gold,

       G             Am
White Gold, White Gold,
              C             G
Yes the cargo she was hauling,
              Am     G             Am
Was three tonnes of fresh white gold,

Now Edward and his men, they’d set up at Bordertown,
The locals never noticed, just what was going down,
A Jim’s mowing Ute to block the road,
They’d seen it on the telly,
The greatest heist in history,
Pulled off by one Ned Smelly.

Ned Smelly, Ned Smelly,
The greatest heist in history,
Pulled off by one Ned Smelly.

The gang were in position, the Ute it blocked the road,
The highway it was quiet, except’n for a toad,
The driver put his brakes on,
He surely got a fright,
And sixteen hundred bog rolls,
were lost into the night

Bog Rolls, Bog Rolls,
Yes sixteen hundred bog rolls,
Were lost into the night,

Now Ned he didn’t steal for fame, or just to make a packet,
Yes it was out of kindness, that he got into this racket,
Outside of every nursing home,
And bowls club in the land,
Was a neat pile of toilet rolls,
Ready for desperate hands,

Desperate hands, desperate hands,
Yes a neat pile of toilet rolls,
Ready for desperate hands,

       Em                   Am            C                    G
When you’re walking down the aisle, and the toilet papers gone,
Em                   Am            C                    Am    
You can think of bold Ned Smelly, and the message in my song,

Now his name passed in to legend, as the crisis did abate,
And everyone one had paper, for to clean their date,
But he often is remembered,
When sitting on the john,
In a nursing home or bowls club,
And the paper isn’t gone,

About Daniel Kelly

Daniel Kelly is a singer/songwriter from Yass in Australia.
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